I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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