You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You ruined the universe
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
