Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
