Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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