I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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