Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
