He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
