You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
