so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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