Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
