Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vagina is very pro this idea
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