She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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