I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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