I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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