Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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