the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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