hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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