If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
did i walk over a car last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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