ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
that may or may not have been my penis.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
