so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize