My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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