That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's always time for handjobs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
