Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
