Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
