I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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