Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
