The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
