Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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