I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
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He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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