have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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