Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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