i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize