I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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