last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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