i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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