Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
