who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
