It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
