Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
