i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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