Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
