I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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