i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
