If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize