Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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