Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
