her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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