oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
