I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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