Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
handjob tips. give me some.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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