I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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