I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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