So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
