if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
