I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
