Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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