she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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