Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
