I need help removing her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
