I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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