she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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