He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I am spending my child support on dildos
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
