If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
