im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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