did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
