I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
