Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
