u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
