May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
