I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
