So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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