I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
