OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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