I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
