If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.