I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym