well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
