i think my tv is drunk
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
