she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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