oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
